Create Authentic Confidence by Being a “Confident You”
The “Confidence” word has been popping up a lot lately. It seems that without the office space boundaries and locations in place, people feel untethered which tends to erode confidence.
Do you remember the last time you felt on top of the world? You felt invincible - ready to take on whatever life would throw your way. Perhaps it was the perfect spring day, sun shining, breeze softly blowing, and flowers bursting into bloom. Your mood matched the moment. You felt capable, positive, and alive!
Or maybe you just landed a new client, got a call from a “certain someone” or received praise for a job well done. Just thinking about those moments can cause a lift in your spirits, bring a smile to your face, and a bounce to your step.
That’s being authentic! You know what it is. It’s being a “Confident You”! It’s when you feel truly yourself, not what someone else wants you to be. It is freeing and energizing. It borders on fulfilled and satisfied like you’ve found your path and it has found you!
And we know exactly what those feelings and words are all about. But just in case you don’t, according to the urban dictionary, AUT is the root word from the greek that means “SELF” and is tied to other words like author, authority, autonomy, and authorized. It represents the power of an individual’s belief in their ability to bounce back after life throws a curveball – and we all know that life will throw us an occasional curveball.
In order to develop authentic confidence, we need to:
look at confidence; what it is and what it isn’t.
explore the difference between authentic confidence and situational confidence.
learn how to gauge our authentic confidence level and improve it.
explore how to make deposits in our authentic confidence bank account.
Authentic Confidence – What Is It Really? It is being a “Confident You”!
In 1966 a new television series aired and was an instant success. Marlo Thomas starred as Anne Marie in the weekly sitcom, That Girl. The show was historically significant because it was the first time on television that a young, single, career woman played the lead character on a television program. But the most important thing about the show is that Anne Marie was portrayed as a confident, independent, single woman – a “Confident You”. Most females on television up to that point were dependent on a husband, boyfriend, or friends to carry the story and were secondary characters. Not That Girl. Sure, Anne Marie did have a great haircut, was physically appealing, and, of course, was a fictional television character. But what she represented was something that spoke to the hearts of a new generation. That Girl was confident and authentic. She was a “Confident You”. She defined her life instead of letting life define her. She liked herself and was true to herself. And she had her share of foibles, failures, and flukes. But when it was all said and done, she smiled at the world, and with flair, her persona shouted, “I’m going to make it! I can count on myself. I am okay!” She had mojo and authentic confidence! Watch a clip of some audience confidence coaching from Ethel Merman here
Authentic confidence is about letting go of the need to be what others want you to be and becoming who you are destined to be. Self (or authentic) Confidence is about being comfortable in our own skin, being a “Confident You”. We are confident when who we are on the outside is congruent with who we are on the inside. Authentic Confidence is the belief that whatever comes our way, we can handle it. It is like an aura that surrounds us, making us aware of what we can do and giving us faith in our ability to try.
Our innermost desire is to be accepted for who we are – to be a “Confident You”. But for many of us, somewhere along the way, we went from being a celebrated infant and toddler to being told what to do and who to be. Here’s a story that says it all:
Zeke was a typical 6-year-old boy -- full of life, laughter, and mischief. As adults are prone to do, someone asked him one day, “Zeke, what do you want to be when you grow up.” He looked up excitedly and replied, “Zeke!”
Now fast forward several years. Someone asks him again, “Zeke, what do you want to be when you grow up.” His reply, “I guess I’ll be Zeke, that’s what people call me, anyway’”. Now that’s a “Confident You”!
As you take time to think about this story, you can see the profound implications. As children we lose bits and pieces of who we are, thinking that we must become the person that others want us to be.
Then we grow into the tumultuous teenage years, trying to differentiate ourselves from our parents by becoming carbon copies of our peers. And self-esteem is determined by how much we “fit in.”
We eventually outgrow that phase (hopefully), and as young adults begin to realize and appreciate our uniqueness. Yet, we continue to struggle with meeting a certain standard and measuring up to a specific image. If we are not aware, life becomes a contest of comparing and competing. We look around a room to see if we are the smartest, the healthiest, the most popular, the wealthiest, or the best dressed. The old adage, “The one with the most toys, wins!” can easily make life more about having and less about being. The “Confident You” comes from the recognition that who we are defines us – not what we have. Shakespeare says it best - “To thine own SELF be true”!